Dear sister.

I thought I would share this on here:
In my conflict resolution class we had to share a person that is hard to have conflicts with.
I wrote about you.

Don't hate me.

My sister is the ice queen of petty conflicts.

She's got the cold stare and stonewalling down to a science.

Her conflict resolution strategy is:

Ignore, ignore, ignore, forgive.

We never discuss the reason we got mad at each other.

She never likes to apologize.

Saying sorry is not her thing.

She would rather pretend that the conflict never happened in the first place.

Let everything settle back into a stable silence.

Where we can laugh in oblivion and wait patiently until the next small thing sets us off.

Biting necks and yelling out things we really don’t mean.

Was it really over the fact that she didn’t put the butter away in the refrigerator?

That really got us to the point of not speaking for a day?

That can’t be healthy.

And it’s not.

I realize that.

I am someone who likes to deal with conflict WHILE it’s happening.

I hate letting it sit inside of me like a cold tuna sandwich.

It makes my stomach churn.

So, I deal with things head on.

But, conflicts with my sister bring out the worst in me. 

I have been trained in Nonviolent Communication, empathetic listening and needs and feelings words for the last 8 years of my life.

Somehow, that still doesn’t stop me from yelling at my sister to put the butter away when she is done using it.

And, I still haven’t found a way to incorporate NVC into our relationship without her rolling her eyes and saying

“Don’t use that NVC shit on me.”

Hi.

Dear sister,
Sometimes, I am scared that you don't love me as much as I love you.
Sometimes, I am scared that when you don't want to talk to me, that means you don't miss me.
Sometimes, I feel like you don't want to come visit me.
Sometimes, I feel angry that my missing you doesn't make you instantly come up to visit.
Sometimes, I feel sad because I think that you don't think I am doing the right thing.
Sometimes, My heart just hurts with how much I love you.
Sometimes, I miss you so much that I find random reasons to call you.
Sometimes, I feel like we are completely different people.
Sometimes, I think we are the same person in different bodies.
You my dear sister...
Have ruled over my life since the day I was born.
There is not a moment that goes by where I don't wish that I was snuggling with you. Getting the car washed with you, baking cookies with you, talking about goofy things, serious things, things that don't seem important to anyone else, but bonds us in a way that NO one will ever understand.

A sisters bond, it's one that I can't even describe. I also can not even begin to imagine NOT having that bond with someone. This summer, when I was backpacking, Cassidy got sad because she thought I was regretting coming on the trip because I talked about missing you so much...
What she doesn't understand, and when MANY people don't understand, is that the missing... it can't be ignored, turned off, or forgotten. You are the best thing that has happened to me. You my dear, are my sister and the best one in alllllll of the land.

Row, Row, Row MY boat...

Sometimes.

Sometimes I just want to snuggle with you in bed all day.

Sometimes I want to eat ice cream and paint my nails and talk about boys with you all day.

Sometimes I am not very good at telling you just how amazing you are.

Sometimes I get tired and floppy and you love me anyway.

Sometimes my heart aches with wishing that you had chosen Chico or Humboldt instead of Oregon.

Sometimes I get so sad with missing you that I just have to call it quits on the day.

Today, all of those things happened.

So, sissy, hurry up and finish college. Hurry up and come home to me. Okay?

Red.

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind
Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind
Once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn
So bright just before they lose it all

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Oh red burning red

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head

Burning red!
Darling it was red!

Oh, losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
Cause loving him was red yeah yeah red
We're burning red

And that's why he's spinning round in my head
Comes back to me burning red
Yeah yeah

Cause love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Taylor Swift knows her shit...

Hey good lookin'

So, I don't really know where to start.
Let's start with the fact that I think I am going to have about 10 kids wanting to go to the Hoes Down. Haven't figured it out yet, all I know is that a BUNCH of people are interested in coming from the co-ops.
Second. My lips are chapped. From kissing.
(more on that at another time though...)
Third? I miss you.
A lot.
But I have been getting back into the groove of things. (not sure if that is a good or bad thing really)
I just finished my first week of classes, and I love ALL of them alot. But mostly my Conflict Resolution class. Although I am pretty sure I could be teaching it.
Anyway, this is a pointless blog post.
Just thought I would come and say hello.
Hello.
I hope you are not too dead from this Hoes Down thing yet.
Cause I need you around for a couple of more years.
:)

Girl.

girl. Girl. GIrl. GIRl. GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still at work. Timestamp: 8:22pm.

Here is what I look like right now:

Get at me, boys.

I miss you. I need you.

I would be your friend and take walks with you and hold your hand.

I love you!