Dear sister.

I thought I would share this on here:
In my conflict resolution class we had to share a person that is hard to have conflicts with.
I wrote about you.

Don't hate me.

My sister is the ice queen of petty conflicts.

She's got the cold stare and stonewalling down to a science.

Her conflict resolution strategy is:

Ignore, ignore, ignore, forgive.

We never discuss the reason we got mad at each other.

She never likes to apologize.

Saying sorry is not her thing.

She would rather pretend that the conflict never happened in the first place.

Let everything settle back into a stable silence.

Where we can laugh in oblivion and wait patiently until the next small thing sets us off.

Biting necks and yelling out things we really don’t mean.

Was it really over the fact that she didn’t put the butter away in the refrigerator?

That really got us to the point of not speaking for a day?

That can’t be healthy.

And it’s not.

I realize that.

I am someone who likes to deal with conflict WHILE it’s happening.

I hate letting it sit inside of me like a cold tuna sandwich.

It makes my stomach churn.

So, I deal with things head on.

But, conflicts with my sister bring out the worst in me. 

I have been trained in Nonviolent Communication, empathetic listening and needs and feelings words for the last 8 years of my life.

Somehow, that still doesn’t stop me from yelling at my sister to put the butter away when she is done using it.

And, I still haven’t found a way to incorporate NVC into our relationship without her rolling her eyes and saying

“Don’t use that NVC shit on me.”

Hi.

Dear sister,
Sometimes, I am scared that you don't love me as much as I love you.
Sometimes, I am scared that when you don't want to talk to me, that means you don't miss me.
Sometimes, I feel like you don't want to come visit me.
Sometimes, I feel angry that my missing you doesn't make you instantly come up to visit.
Sometimes, I feel sad because I think that you don't think I am doing the right thing.
Sometimes, My heart just hurts with how much I love you.
Sometimes, I miss you so much that I find random reasons to call you.
Sometimes, I feel like we are completely different people.
Sometimes, I think we are the same person in different bodies.
You my dear sister...
Have ruled over my life since the day I was born.
There is not a moment that goes by where I don't wish that I was snuggling with you. Getting the car washed with you, baking cookies with you, talking about goofy things, serious things, things that don't seem important to anyone else, but bonds us in a way that NO one will ever understand.

A sisters bond, it's one that I can't even describe. I also can not even begin to imagine NOT having that bond with someone. This summer, when I was backpacking, Cassidy got sad because she thought I was regretting coming on the trip because I talked about missing you so much...
What she doesn't understand, and when MANY people don't understand, is that the missing... it can't be ignored, turned off, or forgotten. You are the best thing that has happened to me. You my dear, are my sister and the best one in alllllll of the land.

Row, Row, Row MY boat...

Sometimes.

Sometimes I just want to snuggle with you in bed all day.

Sometimes I want to eat ice cream and paint my nails and talk about boys with you all day.

Sometimes I am not very good at telling you just how amazing you are.

Sometimes I get tired and floppy and you love me anyway.

Sometimes my heart aches with wishing that you had chosen Chico or Humboldt instead of Oregon.

Sometimes I get so sad with missing you that I just have to call it quits on the day.

Today, all of those things happened.

So, sissy, hurry up and finish college. Hurry up and come home to me. Okay?

Red.

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind
Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind
Once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn
So bright just before they lose it all

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Oh red burning red

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head

Burning red!
Darling it was red!

Oh, losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
Cause loving him was red yeah yeah red
We're burning red

And that's why he's spinning round in my head
Comes back to me burning red
Yeah yeah

Cause love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Taylor Swift knows her shit...

Hey good lookin'

So, I don't really know where to start.
Let's start with the fact that I think I am going to have about 10 kids wanting to go to the Hoes Down. Haven't figured it out yet, all I know is that a BUNCH of people are interested in coming from the co-ops.
Second. My lips are chapped. From kissing.
(more on that at another time though...)
Third? I miss you.
A lot.
But I have been getting back into the groove of things. (not sure if that is a good or bad thing really)
I just finished my first week of classes, and I love ALL of them alot. But mostly my Conflict Resolution class. Although I am pretty sure I could be teaching it.
Anyway, this is a pointless blog post.
Just thought I would come and say hello.
Hello.
I hope you are not too dead from this Hoes Down thing yet.
Cause I need you around for a couple of more years.
:)

Girl.

girl. Girl. GIrl. GIRl. GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still at work. Timestamp: 8:22pm.

Here is what I look like right now:

Get at me, boys.

I miss you. I need you.

I would be your friend and take walks with you and hold your hand.

I love you!

I have been doing a lot of this lately.

Dear sister,
I don't have any friends.
It's official.
Wait, no. That's a lie.
I only have friends that want to get drunk with me.
Not ones that I can go for walk with, or that will talk politics with me.
So, instead of making NEW friends... (cause Ive never been too good at that anyway)
I thought I would just crawl into my own reclusive room and take a bunch of photo booth pictures.
I take AT LEAST four hours to get ready nowadays. I mean, what else is there to do when school hasn't started?
Blah.
Here. For your entertainment:

That's a whole lot of me. I know. I am even getting sick of me.
Bye.

Things I wish you did...

A- Respond on this damn blog.

B- Call me back.

C- Stop me from posting pictures of myself like this:

Who am I?

D- Love me for who I am, Bitch.

Things I missed about you today:

Marzipan!

Here is a short list of the things I missed about you today:

- Your hair and the fact that it is a life-force of its own.

- Your Pinterest account. You pin all the cute things.

- Your cute baby Row faces. Let's make up more nicknames for baby Row. Yesterday I started calling him Turtle because he sometimes makes this weird turtle motion with his head. He is the number one cutest.

(An aside: I just learned something. Never, ever, ever Google Image search "Baby Human." Ever. Under ANY circumstances.)

Any way. I miss you.

xxoo.

H

Worst Blogger Sister Award Goes To...

SISSSSSSSSY!

First off: Whoa, bloggy blog designer!?! LOVE the new layout. And I think our vast readership will also enjoy the improvements you have made. This is me, being super impressed. 

Okay. I am going to keep a running update on the things I am thinking today and then I will publish this thing when my thoughts are all done. 

- How cute is this???? 

- D and I got in a big time dumb stupid fight on Saturday because he hacked down all of my bushes without asking is not a very good communicator. Then we made up. But didn't make out. Typical. I am about ready to burst with sexual frustration. Ugh. This relationship is not working for everyone involved and it is time to make some changes. But please don't ask me about it/ talk to me about it because I will share when I am ready and I am not ready to talk about it yet. 

- I have turned over a new leaf and I am no longer judgey. Surprise! I am jealous that you are still in college and you get to make out with boys. I wish we had been born twins and that we could be in college together and be having so much fun. Ugh. I would be the best wing-woman. Oklahoma sounds like a fun time. Also, I like boys with accents. 

- I got to hold Row for, like, 100000 minutes yesterday. He cried the whole time. It was the first time that I felt overwhelmed by his baby-ness. Stop being so crabby, kid! Don't you know who your aunts are??? 

- Mom is wearing her keens AND socks this morning. Quick! Someone call the fashion police! I will try to sneak a picture...

- Cousin L is working with me and she is so cute and fun. I like her.

- Please please please please please remember this: When my child is born, please please please do not post any photos or let me post any photos of that child naked with their weird newborn genitals showing. It makes me really weirded out. Thank you. 

- It Mitt Romeny wins this stupid election I am going to move to Central America. That's where Kansas is, right? 

This is the conclusion of my morning post. 

Love you to the moon. 

- H

Dear Sister...

Things that reminded me of you today...

xoxo
-H

Guess who I am being.

Dear H,
Time moves much more slowly here, people aren't talking fast or looking busy all the time... MUCH different than being on the farm.
On a totally different note...
 I hooked up with Oklahoma football player last night. He is the youngest of 5, his daddy is a pastor (not to get confused with PASTURE... that would be weird.) he is younger and thought it was REALLY cool that I was more "experienced" than him... Haha. If he only knew. (FOOLED YOU) Anyway, it was fun, and we just fooled around. Nothing too serious. I like the unseriousness of some people. I don't mean it in a slutty way. (Although you are already thinking it, I can tell.) Mostly I just mean I like a guy that can make me laugh, not one who will make me cry.
I know that scares you. When I tell you about my fooling around... You are already a (little bit) judging me. So stop that, and just be happy I am telling you about a fun boy that was fun to dance with. (And called me fun Oklahoma slang like mam')
Well, that being said, I miss you. I miss you a whole heck of alot.
I LOVE it here, but it doesn't stop that place in my heart from wanting to be home. Sitting on the couch looking at the newest facebook gossip with you. I love when we do that.
Well, to leave you today, I thought I would do a photoshoot of sorts, they turned out a LOT creeper than I thought that they would.
Just go with it.

WHO AM I?

WHO AM I NOW?

And now?

LAST ONE.

Love from,
H

Dear Sister...

Hi Auntie H,

It has been a whole 27 hours since you left to the stupid place that shall not be named go back to college and I already miss you so much it hurts. I know sometimes we aren't very good (read: I am a mean, bitchy sister) at being sisters when you are home, but I miss you so much that I ache when you leave. Here are all of the things I miss about you:

- You have this really good sisterly smell to you. I wish I could smell you. 

- You are really cute in the mornings when you are sleepy but trying really hard to be awake. 

- The way you look when you hold baby Row. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen. You look like you could cry and laugh all at the same time. And you look pretty nervous. Row misses you, btw. He told me.

- The way you love me for me. 

I love you!!!!

I have so many things to tell you already, but I am too tired to write them all right now. 

Tomorrow, dear sister. For now, I will dream of the way you smell. (It isn't as creepy as it sounds.) (Nope, juts re-read it. Creepy. Sorry, I am not sorry.)

Love, 

Auntie H. 

Welp, there goes my last strand of self respect.

Dear H,
Today, I thought about you a lot.
I thought about how you are the best sister.
I thought about how you deserve the best.
Better than I can give you.
Or any man can give you.
I thought about the fact that sometimes you get into petty fights and arguments that make my day horrible. Or mom's day no good.
I thought about how they make us seem like we are in 7th grade. I hate it.
But, I love you.
So, I keep having these silly fights and making up... it's an endless cycle. I wish we could end it.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you in this lovely blogy here of ours...
That I love you.
And that I am going to miss you SO much when I go back up to school.
I am going to miss you randomly grabbing my hand as we walk.
I am going to miss you looking up blogs and talking about pintrest.
I am going to miss you telling me how cute Rowan looked, and me telling you that I am the favorite. (which I totally am)
I am going to miss your shiny hair and the way that you randomly tap my butt twice.
I am going to miss you calling me things like "pintresty" and "daybook blogy"
Really, I'll just miss you a whole heck of a lot.
AND I can't wait for this blog. It will be the BEST!

Dear Sister...

Last night we had the best night. We went to that really hot and kind of stuffy awesome Yolo Land Trust thing and we both looked super cute. You in your Daybook Blog outfit, me in my white dress (Smart going, dummy. Who wears WHITE to an ALL eating event? I blame it on my fashion advisor.). You got, like, 1,000 check outs (Evidence, Exhibit A, Message received on Facebook this morning:

Hey how r ya it was good seeing u guys yesterday. By the way your sister Hannah is beautiful lol u guys should come by some time and hang out at the pool. 

Good grammar and spelling. We know how to pick 'em.) We quickly got tired of that mess fun, and left to go sweat somewhere else. Duh. 

There are few things I love more in this world than shopping with you. You are fun. You make the best rules (no buying anything that costs more than $30!) and then you are the best breaker of said rules (Hellllo cute new "Travel" letters!). Here were some of our fun purchases: 

SUPER cute travel letters. They are going to look really awesome on your wall. 

Hey Owl Candle. You were totally necessary. 

Owl Measuring Cups? What the!?! Where have you been all of my life??? 

Here are some of the things I wish we had purchased:

What? Getting it!

Cookie Jars. We need them!

Then we went to see Celeste and Jesse Forever. The best. You + me + quickly eaten Thai food at the place with the bat on the ceiling. Nothing could be finer. On the way home we talked about love and happiness and you cried and I got quiet and contemplative and we were sisterly and it made me so happy that God chose me to be your sister. Out of all the people in the world, somehow I got this lucky. Sometimes I don't think I deserve you and your unending love, but then I think about how awesome I am... 

This blog is going to be fun. Let's tell each other our secrets. Let's be open and honest and kind (or bitchy- all part of the honesty kick). Let's be better sisters.

Love you! 

Love, Sister.